


The Dos and Don'ts to Tending to Steel... Things

by MazokuChoHimu



Category: The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword
Genre: 'nother repost from my main yehaw, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Oneshot, Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Original Non-Binary Character(s) - Freeform, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:48:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23657881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MazokuChoHimu/pseuds/MazokuChoHimu
Summary: Curious as to what makes Ghirahim tick after a particularly odd series of events, Charlie decides to ask him a number of more outrageous questions to figure out how exactly a guy made of metal could actually, for the want of a better word, get it.
Relationships: Ghirahim (Legend of Zelda)/Original Character(s)
Kudos: 1





	The Dos and Don'ts to Tending to Steel... Things

**Author's Note:**

> Yet again, I have no words as to why I’d write something as stupid sounding and ridiculous as this. My best explanation for this even existing is because I’ve been a little glum the past few days, so I decided to write this very dumb thing to point and laugh at.  
> You can call this a bunch of legit headcanons or me just spitballing as many ideas as I can, because I certainly don’t know what this is or what I'm doing lmao.  
> I did have a different title but that one felt too explicit (kinda?) in my opinion so I made the current one up on the spot. It was actually just... Fire Cannot Melt Steel Dicks but having that when you try to search shit up seems a bit much for me (with or without filters) lol fhdkg.

Charlie put down the pencil they’d been using and admired their handiwork with a content sigh.

They’d been working on a cutsey, simplified drawing for Izanagi of herself, which surprisingly had taken a lot more time than expected. Apparently, her mane and horns were a lot harder to capture than Charlie had anticipated.

Regardless, they were happy with it and carefully picked up the sheet of paper in both hands. A soft chirp made them jump and they looked down to see Moncéri was still lying next to them, one head raised and at a questioning tilt.

With a smile, Charlie held the paper out in full view for the Staldra so she could see. After a moment, Moncéri let out a clicking purr, clearly also pleased with their hard work.

Charlie stood up, pushed the chair back and grabbed the folder they’d been given to store their artwork, delicately placing Izanagi’s gift inside. There was the distinct sound of Moncéri’s footfalls as she wandered over to the front door, waiting for Charlie so the pair could leave.

“Hold on, Momo. I still got to clean up.” They said, tutting at her. Moncéri whined then sat down, placing a paw on the door. Charlie rolled their eyes.

_For someone with supposedly three brains, she sure could be one track minded sometimes._

Charlie picked up their pencil, rubber, and other materials before opening one of the drawers of the desk to safely store them away.

Only to immediately slam it shut.

Moncéri’s heads pricked up, watching as Charlie’s calm expression quickly switched to one of pure disbelief.

_Did? Did I just see what I thought I saw?_

They slowly opened the drawer again and upon getting a good look, closed it again.

 _What the_ hell _was a bottle of… fucking_ lubricant _doing here?_

Charlie turned to look at Moncéri who had started to walk over to them.

“Hold it!” They commanded, and Moncéri stopped dead, letting out a surprised hiss.

If she got ahold of the bottle, it would be a nightmare to try and get it off her. Plus, Charlie had seen Moncéri swallow all kinds of oddities, from sticks to paper to clothes, and once those things had disappeared down her gullet, there was no hope of getting them back.

Holding their breath, Charlie shoved the things they were holding into the drawer and quickly locked it with a sharp twist of the key.

 _Did Ghirahim do this as a stupid joke?_ Charlie thought, trying to rationalise the bottle’s ‘out of nowhere’ appearance. _Or did he… genuinely want to try that shit out?_

The bastard was made of metal. Surely that would… make him rust. Or something.

Charlie sucked in air through their teeth, then turned to the door.

“Alright Momo, let’s go.” Moncéri let a long, high-pitched chirp, only to be quickly silenced by Charlie.

“Shut up, for god’s sake!” They snapped. Moncéri recoiled, shocked at Charlie’s sudden shift in tone.

They raised a finger to their lips, nodding their head at her. Moncéri responded by pressing one of her heads against Charlie, giving them an awkward and toothy smile.

“No noises.” Charlie said, stroking her gently. Moncéri opened her mouths as though she were about to chirp back a response, but no sound came out.

Satisfied she wouldn’t try to break the drawer open when their back was turned, Charlie opened the front door and walked out, the Staldra following close behind them.

* * *

The meetup with Izanagi had gone well and she had absolutely adored the drawing Charlie had done for her, proudly pinning it on the wall so it could sit among all the other drawings Charlie had done for her. The two had talked about a variety of things, with Charlie desperately trying to shove the image of the bottle to the back of their mind. They’d been tempted to admit their rather ludicrous discovery to Izanagi, but what could she do it about it? She wasn’t Ghirahim’s caretaker and he certainly didn’t need her permission to do anything. Maybe he was just playing a stupid, if not odd, prank on them. And if he did plan on using it, god forbid, then surely he’d be far more subtle about it.

Then again, this was Ghirahim of all people. The day he started being subtle was the day Charlie knew he’d truly lost his mind.

Charlie deliberately walked slowly back to their shared chambers, wondering to themselves if it would even be wise to ask him about it. Or, they could play dumb and if he did question them, they could just claim they hadn’t seen the label or had even known what the bottle was for. At least they had the benefit of being able to hide their aura from him if need be so he couldn’t detect if they were lying.

Finally, they were back at the front door with Moncéri still attached to them at the hip. Charlie looked down at her and brought a finger to their lips once more.

_Just ignore it. It’ll be easier that way._

With a click, the door unlocked and the pair stepped through the open doorway.

The first thing Charlie saw upon entering the room however, and somehow was the last thing they’d expect, was Ghirahim _holding_ the blasted thing.

Their eyes met and they both stood there, completely frozen.

Then, seemingly on instinct but _very_ poorly judged, Ghirahim threw the bottle over his shoulder in an attempt to hide it. He immediately cringed when he realised what he’d done, but was too late to grab it again before it smashed to pieces on the stone floor, sending glass and its contents everywhere.

“ _Motherf-!_ ” He cut himself off before he could say another word, looking at the bottle then back to Charlie. “Do you _have_ to barge in?! Whatever happened to knocking?”

Charlie tensed.

“Don’t you yell at me! _You_ were the one holding it and _you_ were the one who dropped it!”

“I still dropped it _because_ of you!” He turned back to look at the lubricant as it started to soak into the nearby carpet. “For god’s sake, this is going to be a terror to clean.”

Moncéri leaned one of her heads around Charlie to properly see what all the commotion was.

Charlie growled softly to themselves, then stepped forward to help pick up the shards of glass. They and Ghirahim kept their backs to one another as they tried their best to clean up, too embarrassed to talk about what they’d both just seen.

Ghirahim muttered all kinds of curses under his breath, evidently angry at the waste of a perfectly good product.

“Momo.” He said suddenly, turning to Moncéri. She snapped to attention. He motioned as though picking up a bag. “Rubbish.”

She gave a curt squawk, then disappeared back into the hallway, the door slamming behind her.

 _Oh boy._ Charlie thought. _Now I’m stuck with him._

They dared to peek over their shoulder to see him placing the shards onto the desk they’d been working at prior. The drawer they’d locked had been ripped clean off and sat upturned on the desk. Charlie could clearly see their art supplies had been set to one side.

_Greeeat. Now he definitely knows you’re responsible._

Trying their best to stay calm, they moved to place their shards onto the table as well, making sure they didn’t accidentally cut themselves. The moment they stood side by side with Ghirahim, they turned to face them.

“Why did you lock the drawer?”

“Why should it matter?” They focused on placing the pieces into groups by size in an attempt to ignore him. That was definitely wishful thinking.

Ghirahim slammed his hand down with enough force to make the shards jump, drawing Charlie’s attention back to him.

“WHY did you lock the drawer?”

Charlie rolled their eyes.

_So demanding._

“Well, since that bottle was so special to you, I was right in assuming that if Moncéri decided to swallow it, you would be just as annoyed.”

Ghirahim huffed and turned his back to desk to lean against it, bringing a hand up to his chin as though he were now deep in thought. He was obviously trying to keep his emotions in check and Charlie could see him practically shake from the effort.

They went back to rearranging the shards and the two stood in silence for a minute or two, the only noise being the soft clink of the glass as Charlie put them back into their groups.

“What about the carpet?” They finally said.

Ghirahim huffed again.

“I’ll just throw it out. It was old anyway.”

They snuck a glance at his face to see if they could tell what he was thinking.

“Why did you have the bottle in the first place?” The question had passed their lips before they could stop themselves and Charlie felt themselves blush. To their surprise, Ghirahim blushed too.

“Why would it matter to you?”

“Because I live with you.” They nearly snapped as they said this, then took a deep breath and grumbled softly to themselves. “As if it would work anyway.”

Ghirahim looked down at them, confused.

“What do you mean ‘if it would work anyway’?”

Charlie met his confused look with an incredulous one.

“Ghirahim, you’re metal. Wouldn’t it, I don’t know, make you rust?”

“That’s ridiculous! No it wouldn’t!” He stepped back from the desk and crossed his arms. “Are you implying I wished to use it for… more pleasurable activities?”

Charlie had to stifle a laugh.

“Maybe.” They said with the straightest face they could muster. Immediately Ghirahim’s attempt at a calm demeanor started to crumble, shocked to his core at such a suggestion.

“I am _NOT_ that kind of person and never have been! How insulting!” He turned around to walk back to his bedroom, fuming.

“Not that I care!” Charlie shouted after him, making him pause. Slowly, he turned back to face them.

“What do you mean by that?”

Charlie shrugged.

“You don’t ask me about any habits I have, why should I ask you?”

“...No. I suppose that’s fair.”

“I’m just curious as to how you might...” Charlie indicated vaguely. “Have fun. I guess.”

Ghirahim made a face.

“It’s the sword aspect, isn’t it? Fairly off-putting.”

“Well, yeah. I don’t think your average person wants to fuck a guy made of metal.”

Ghirahim winced.

“Do you _have_ to word it like that?”

“What?” Charlie grinned. “The fuck part?”

“Yes! Please, have some decency Charlie.”

At that they laughed, this time being the one to lean against the desk.

“Since when have I, of all people, ever been decent?”

Ghirahim sighed sadly, then moved back to sit in the nearby chair. Once he was comfortable, he gave Charlie a look.

“As you’re so… lovingly insistent on knowing all this and trying to shut you up could take all day, where would you like me to start?”

Charlie crossed their arms.

“Can you make yourself soft?”

“...What?”

“Like, if someone wanted to hypothetically get with you, they’d be hugging pure metal. You might as well hug a pillar of rock.”

“Oh, uh, that. Well, yes I can. If someone wanted me to.”

“Wouldn’t ruin your invincibility, would it?”

“No, that would be silly and make me completely worthless.”

Charlie shifted from one foot to the other, turning away.

_Not to me you idiot, god damn._

They glanced up at the light on the ceiling for a new distraction.

“OK what abooout… other parts?”

“...What do you mean by that?” He sounded almost offended.

“You know, downstairs. Like I said earlier, you can’t f-”

“ _Don’t!_ ” He hissed, holding up a hand with his index finger extended. “It’s embarrassing.”

Charlie wiggled their shoulders.

“We’re alone, Ghirahim. No one can hear us.”

“I know, just...” He rubbed the bridge of his nose. “You can be so aggravating sometimes.”

“Obviously I learnt from the best.”

Ghirahim sighed.

“Yes, I can soften other parts.” He said quickly, trying to avoid any kind of eye contact.

“So technically you _can_ have fun. If you wanted to.”

“Yes...” He grumbled.

“What about the chest gem though? That would hurt if someone laid down on top of you, or vice versa.”

“I can make it ‘disappear’, so to speak. Obviously it can’t last forever but it can last long enough to… ‘have fun’.”

“Oh, so 10 minutes then?”

Ghirahim groaned like he’d just been told an awful pun.

Charlie nodded at his response, satisfied with his answers. Then their eyes drifted to the carpet.

_What was with the lubricant anyway?_

They had the opportunity to leave him alone, but this whole fiasco over some damn bottle needed some kind of answer.

“Ghirahim?”

“Yes, Charlie?” His voice was strained, dreading another question.

“Why did you have the bottle in the first place? I don’t care if it was for you, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“It… Wasn’t. Technically.”

Charlie stood up properly and walked towards him.

“What does that mean?” They laughed, intrigued at what he had to say.

“I mean…” He tilted his head so he could look at them. “I was sort of. Hoping you would like to use it. With me.”

Charlie stopped dead in their tracks.

“W-what?” They said, eyes wide and staring, completely taken aback by what he’d just said.

“You heard me right, if you’re worried.”

“Are you serious?”

Ghirahim tensed.

“ _Maybe_.” He had a serious expression on his face at Charlie’s question but it quickly softened. “I just. Thought that it could be something nice to try. If you wanted.” He turned away again. “No pressure, of course.”

Charlie couldn’t help but smirk, thoroughly amused. Then, they stepped around the chair and sat themselves down comfortably on his lap. He blushed furiously and turned away, possibly somewhat horrified by this action. They put their head on his chest and looked up at him.

“So you do actually like-like me, huh?”

“Charlie, you’ve been living with me for nearly two years now, don’t act surprised.”

“Mm. You’re tricky to read sometimes though.”

“Same can be said for you.” He scoffed.

Charlie laughed.

“So, basically what you’re trying to say is: you _would_ actually like to fuck, right? I guess as long as you don’t literally go molten or suddenly flip to your sword forme, I think we'll be fine.”

“Mmm.. _._ ”


End file.
